"Tragedy"s and Comedies

My husband is having an affair.

My husband is an alcoholic and this torrid love affair is with booze.

I tell myself “This is the guy you married.”  However, let’s be fair – I fell in love with a 22 year old and when we married two years later I was pregnant with our first child.  I guess I made the unfair assumption that as we grew older and raised our family, this affair would die down or maybe they would rendezvous occasionally.  I did not think it would become a daily affair. 

I would be remiss to say that I have not had some issues with booze.  I have done many regretful things in my life under the influence of booze.  I have also had some really great times with it as well…  Right now, we are on a break.

I have expressed my difficulties on dealing with this breakup.  To my husband, this must mean he better make up for my lost drinks because it seems it has only escalated his use.  I really didn’t quit with the intent of being sober forever, and honestly, I don’t want to.  However, in good conscience, I feel like I can’t because my children need one example of being stronger than a substance.  I want my kids to know that life is hard, but you get through it – you don’t fog it away.  I want my kids to know it is NOT okay to be drunk every day.  It is not good for your mind.  It is not good for your body.  It is not good for your soul.  IT IS NOT GOOD FOR YOUR MARRIAGE.

I don’t want to make my husband choose between the booze and me.  I don’t necessarily think that is fair.  But, I do…  I do want him to choose between me and the booze because that is where I feel I am right now.  Every time I hear a can crack…  Every time he slurs a word…  I….am….triggered…  It is not fun.

So, what is the “right” thing to do?  There isn’t one… All the options suck…  I try to compromise when he says he won’t drink during the week – only on weekends…Also, usually never happens…  It is a problem.  It is not fun.  And, if I were to suggest he choose between booze and me, I am afraid of what he would choose.  Because, ultimately,  I don’t think it would be me…

Let me clear, he does not physically abuse my children or myself – that would be non-negotiable and the choice would be easy.  However, I do feel affected mentally and emotionally and sometimes his judgment under the influence can be reckless and questionable.

I know no one is perfect.  I know there are worse alcoholics out there.  I know I am conflicted, angry, resentful, tired, frustrated…

All my life, some of the most important people in my life carried a monkey on their back.  Monkeys can be fun.  Monkeys can be funny.  Sometimes though, monkeys are downright primitive, and they try to kill their keeper. 

Alcohol is killing my marriage.  Do I sit back and watch my family drown?  “That’s just how it is..” “It could be worse..”  Well, it could be worse and I have stayed when I have used that justification, but IT IS WORSE.

If we are not trying to learn, grow, be better, what are we doing?  What example are we setting?  Shouldn’t we all want to be on a journey to enlightenment instead of merely waiting for life to happen…or not happen…

I do not know what the answer is.  I do not know how to fix this.  I do not know how to make things better.  But, it isn’t fair…  It wasn’t fair to the child I was to endure the effects of addiction and it’s not fair to my children.  It isn’t fair to the child my husband was when he had to endure the effects of addiction…alcohol addiction.  It isn’t fair to me.

DISCLAIMER: Life forced Tyler into sobriety with some severe medical episodes. He has been sober since January 3, 2025.