"Tragedy"s and Comedies

Where were you?

Everyone always asks you where you were on days that the world “stopped?” JFK, Columbine, 9/11, etc… You typically know exactly where you were, who was there, what you were doing… Trauma is kind of “funny” like that…

Tomorrow, is a day my world stopped. I will tell you exactly how, where, and what happened… 

I was 24 (an age that freaked me out because my brother Chris died when he was 24) and living in Durango Apartments on Durango (shocker) Drive in Las Vegas, NV. I had been there since June 2006 and a few of my friends from “home” (Miami, OK) had also made the move. 

I had become close to the Sorrentino family and the morning of Sunday, March 25, 2007, I was going to meet them for breakfast at the Egg and I on the corner of Fort Apache and Flamingo. 

I had just turned the corner off of Durango onto Flamingo when I got a call from my sister, Dawn. She told me I needed to pull over. My elderly Grandma Carter had been having heart complications due to surgery and I was prepared for “the call.” 

I told Dawn, “go ahead, just tell me.” She said to me calmly and sternly, “Allison, please pull over and park.” Okay I said kind of like whatever… I pulled into a 7/11 and parked on the east side of the building and she said, “It’s Matt.” 

My brother Matt was prone to accidents – he lived life with reckless abandonment and I was thinking oh great, what has he done now… Then, she said… “he’s dead.” What came out of my body and mouth in that moment feels like something that wasn’t me… it was a scream I think? It was my heart breaking out loud. My ears felt like they were covered and my head was full of fluid. 

I immediately went into robot mode – I remember putting my car in reverse, heading straight back to my apartment and looking for photos of him, packing my bags, and searching for however I could get “home” asap. I went between feelings of agonizing despair and planner mode and not feeling. 

This continued through funeral planning as I steered us through the tasks of picking out the casket, writing the obituary, picking songs, communicating with the funeral home, playing peacemaker with his ex-wife and mother of his children to allow her to attend against my family’s wishes, and functioning while I allowed the rest of my family to fall apart. 

I did it because they couldn’t. And, it gave me a purpose. It also allowed me to escape feeling… not feeling the pain in my chest where a piece of my heart was ripped out of me next to a dumpster on the east side of that 7/11. 

If you’re familiar with Las Vegas, you know Flamingo is a common street to navigate through – especially where I resided. I lived in Vegas for another 10 years and avoided that street as much as possible. If I was passenger, I never would tell the driver but would hold my breath and look the other way as we passed that 7/11. It was as if that 7/11 robbed me of a piece of my heart that day. 

Every March 23rd as I go to sleep, it crosses my mind that my brother went to bed for the last time not knowing he would wake up and “tomorrow” would be his last day. Death is inevitable and none of us are in control of when it comes. Well, MOST of us are not as some of us unfortunately know… 

I guess I tell you this story because yes, we all have a where were you when this National/Global tragedy occurred? But, we also (or at least most of us) have where were you when your tragedy occurred? 

Unfortunately, I have several of these stories, but none quite like the day we lost Matt. I will never forget that pain. I will never forget the day a piece of my heart felt like it was literally ripped from my chest. I will never forget because it still hurts. 

Sometimes, it is a small chest pain that passes and other times it’s like it just happened. I can try to avoid that 7/11, but I don’t need the 7/11 to remind me of what I lost that day. I know because I feel it all the time.